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Well Valiant Men, it's time we spoke about the "S" word. No, not the Super Bowl ... and for many of you reading this afterwards, your team either won or lost. Funny how that always works that way. No, we are going to talk about sex; more specifically what was discussed in Session 6, "An Understanding Man." But before we begin, answer this question: What were our wives doing while we watched the Super Bowl?
From our book, it states, "Good sex begins with an Understanding Man" and continues to say, " to be married to a happy woman is a blessing beyond description. The tragedy is that all too often a man has no idea how to make her happy or to un-make the resistance he feels in her. Sex was given by God to MAKE a marriage, not to break it." It it all too easy for us to be so self centered that we get what we want, roll over, then fall asleep. But what about her feelings and her needs? If this is what happens, it's no wonder many of us can testify that we don't have the sex life God intended for us to have.
As Valiant Men, and as the head, we must learn to die first. We have to lay it all down for our wives and protect them, pray for them, give them the emotional security they need from us, and nurture their lives as woman. However, for many of us, we forget about all of that and focus solely on our needs. For us, we were built fairly simple. For our wives, sexuality is far more complex and affected by so many other things; things that at times we simply don't (and may never) understand. Our book lists: Hormones, their monthly cycle, how often they think about sex, their energy levels left over for sex, and concerns about body image & weight. And on that last note, don't get me started on comparing our wives with what we may have seen on an immoral web site ... don't go there and don't do it! And if you have, go back and re-read the Nugget, "Fighting Porn."
As an Understanding Valiant Man, we need to realize that our wives sexuality can be damaged more easily by trauma and abuse and can be difficult to overcome. Their sexual arousal is more about relational connections with their husbands instead of visuals cues as it is for us. From our book, Dr Meyer's says, " Women give sex to get intimacy, men give intimacy to get sex." Dr. Meyer's goes on to say that in most cases, our wives enjoy sex because of the physical closeness and/or emotional closeness they have with us. This is a priority with them. And to make it even more complex, toss in oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone" which is more prevalent in women due to their estrogen levels, and we have the making of either great sex or the "ho-hum" we have rutted ourselves into.
Take one or more of the following and make it a daily commitment toward/for your wife and see where it goes:
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Spend more time with her;
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Focus on her positive qualities;
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Spend time and LISTEN to her;
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Give her "love touches" (i.e. while sitting next to her, run your hand along her neck and into her hair; touch her shoulder as you walk by; stand in front of her with your arms wide open until she enters for a hug; or come up behind her and kiss her ear)
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Never hang up the phone after talking without telling her you lover her;
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Never fall asleep before kissing her "good-night" and reaffirming your love toward her;
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Share more of the household chores;
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Find something that you laughed at and share it with her;
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Compliment her inner beauty constantly;
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Get a lock for your bedroom door and use it (i.e. snuggle up on the bed with her and read to/with her)
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Let it be known that's it's alright to have "Fast Food Sex" when you're both busy; "Gourmet Sex" when you have more time to cultivate the evening; and "Dessert Sex" when you feel like a treat (one brother mentioned ice cream and chocolate syrup ... and that's all that I have to say about that one!)
Whatever you do, start out with being an understanding man. Be all that she needs you to be first and enter with Jesus in your heart for she wants the same intimacy that Jesus want with you.
Until next time, keep
your eyes on Jesus !
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